It's funny how certain people just seem to deserve each other. Remember the "undeserving man" I mentioned a few entries back? Well, I have a feeling he is about to get on with my ex-undeserving-best-friend. And it doesn't hurt and it doesn't surprise; it's actually a huge relief to know I'll be getting rid of two bruises from a past life. Ugh, it takes SO long to get rid of past lives like those.
But anyway, Christmas is here and even though I am no longer a Catholic, maybe not even Christian (but about that I'm not sure), it's still my favourite holiday. Yes, the presents and the food play a huge part, I won't lie and pretend I don't think about that. But some part of me does smile with the part of family and tradition and all that. I just love it. And I'm getting a 12-string folk guitar this year - no further comments necessary, I know.
What else? Oh, I've been watching great movies lately. Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is great and "Twilight" is actually not as bad as I thought. But you know what they say about anything being great as long as you are in great company huh? Muahaha not another word about that (because honestly, it's not at all as I've made it sound - it's just me idealizing and, well, lying, about real life; if I didn't, who would? and wouldn't the world be too gray?).
Other than that I've been sleeping a lot, trying to recover before New Year's so I'm a completely different person next year. No, not completely different, just... separated from what hurt me this year. So yes, I have been dreaming and telling myself the most incredible stories all day long too. And I love it.
I'm off - I'm watching "Walk the Line", one of my faves.
*
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Pause
I'd been planning to post that last one about a week and a half ago, but you know...
And guess what, I was just overreacting, as usual! Knowing that anything is possible, I mean really really knowing that, just blows my mind. This time things did work out right, to my relief. The "right" person did show up and even the singer had her eyes wide open.
But enough about that.
I'm just incredibly happy at the moment - I got accepted at Emerson College! It's one of the best for Journalism and Communication and those things I'm in love with.
And school's over, Xmas is near, then there's New Year's, and all is well. Sigh. It's a relief that for a moment all can be well.
Listen to KT Tunstall's "Silent Sea".
Then go over to ******* and if I can get it to work, listen to "Fish Me Out". It's about falling and makes complete sense now that I've finally come to a stop.
*
And guess what, I was just overreacting, as usual! Knowing that anything is possible, I mean really really knowing that, just blows my mind. This time things did work out right, to my relief. The "right" person did show up and even the singer had her eyes wide open.
But enough about that.
I'm just incredibly happy at the moment - I got accepted at Emerson College! It's one of the best for Journalism and Communication and those things I'm in love with.
And school's over, Xmas is near, then there's New Year's, and all is well. Sigh. It's a relief that for a moment all can be well.
Listen to KT Tunstall's "Silent Sea".
Then go over to ******* and if I can get it to work, listen to "Fish Me Out". It's about falling and makes complete sense now that I've finally come to a stop.
*
How to Just Say No (and this was not written by a mother or a shrink)
How to "Just" Say No
"Just" is a funny word because most of the times it refers to no small task and it is not fair at all. People say "just" at the scariest times, at the most stressful moment of their mediocre lives. Like "just tell him you love him" or "just pull the fucking trigger" or "just jump off the airplane because the parachute WILL work". And in case it doesn't, there's always the reserve.
But hey, "just" is not easy. "Just” is actually the hardest thing for me, especially when followed by the words "say no". I can't "just say no" and people think it is because I'm way too nice. But it's not because of that. Sometimes I think I'm not nice at all and I'm writing a whole new book to prove it. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, but then again, everyone's crazy. So I must be sane.
But back to the "just say no". How can I do it, can someone tell me? In this case I haven't got certain "toxics" in mind because I haven't got a problem with them. In this case, there's a certain person. A certain... boy? Man? I'm not sure.
Let's say there are two people. Two people, one of which is the most amazing person in the world for whom you have to wait just a little longer. And the other... well, the other just looks nice, I confess. Why, oh why do certain people have to look nice? SO nice? And why do they have it in them, in their bodies and in their words, to make you feel so good when you should actually feel nothing because he doesn’t deserve making you feel that way? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Like, the person for whom you’re waiting should be the one making you feel that way. Should.
“Should” is also a funny word. Like “just”. Most of the times it refers to something that is supposed to happen but for some reason doesn’t. And when I say “some reason” I mean “my stupidness”.
Oh well.
In any event, I “should” (just) apologize to that one person I’m supposed to wait for. It’s only a couple of days, I know, yet to me – the most impatient person in the world – two days is not two days. Two days is a lifetime or five. And then there’s always that doubt pinned to the back of my mind, similar to the one of the parachute and its reserve. What if he doesn’t open? I mean, what if he doesn’t come?
If he doesn’t come people will notice. People sitting in parties of at least two will look at and feel sorry for the one person sitting by herself in the entire bar. That won’t matter that much though, next to how the one person sitting by herself will feel. That person will think of all the things that could have happened and never did and feel sorry for herself. Then she will not be able to “just” say no to all the drinks being offered and to the undeserving man ever again. And then the world will end, because Global Warming’s sure to come, innit? Oh and I almost forgot; it will be a billion times worse (because “gazillion” doesn’t exist) because she knows every soul in the bar, including the singer. Especially the singer.
She will then hope the singer is not singing that sad, sad song for her and will get up and leave, escorted by the grimy hands of the undeserving man to whom she could never “just” say no.
See, “just” is actually an impossibility, along with “should”. And when they get together (like the girl and the undeserving man), the results are even more catastrophic. So I hope by then – by the end of these two days – I finally learn how to “just” say no, because I know that girl well enough to know that that’s what I “should” do.
"Just" is a funny word because most of the times it refers to no small task and it is not fair at all. People say "just" at the scariest times, at the most stressful moment of their mediocre lives. Like "just tell him you love him" or "just pull the fucking trigger" or "just jump off the airplane because the parachute WILL work". And in case it doesn't, there's always the reserve.
But hey, "just" is not easy. "Just” is actually the hardest thing for me, especially when followed by the words "say no". I can't "just say no" and people think it is because I'm way too nice. But it's not because of that. Sometimes I think I'm not nice at all and I'm writing a whole new book to prove it. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, but then again, everyone's crazy. So I must be sane.
But back to the "just say no". How can I do it, can someone tell me? In this case I haven't got certain "toxics" in mind because I haven't got a problem with them. In this case, there's a certain person. A certain... boy? Man? I'm not sure.
Let's say there are two people. Two people, one of which is the most amazing person in the world for whom you have to wait just a little longer. And the other... well, the other just looks nice, I confess. Why, oh why do certain people have to look nice? SO nice? And why do they have it in them, in their bodies and in their words, to make you feel so good when you should actually feel nothing because he doesn’t deserve making you feel that way? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Like, the person for whom you’re waiting should be the one making you feel that way. Should.
“Should” is also a funny word. Like “just”. Most of the times it refers to something that is supposed to happen but for some reason doesn’t. And when I say “some reason” I mean “my stupidness”.
Oh well.
In any event, I “should” (just) apologize to that one person I’m supposed to wait for. It’s only a couple of days, I know, yet to me – the most impatient person in the world – two days is not two days. Two days is a lifetime or five. And then there’s always that doubt pinned to the back of my mind, similar to the one of the parachute and its reserve. What if he doesn’t open? I mean, what if he doesn’t come?
If he doesn’t come people will notice. People sitting in parties of at least two will look at and feel sorry for the one person sitting by herself in the entire bar. That won’t matter that much though, next to how the one person sitting by herself will feel. That person will think of all the things that could have happened and never did and feel sorry for herself. Then she will not be able to “just” say no to all the drinks being offered and to the undeserving man ever again. And then the world will end, because Global Warming’s sure to come, innit? Oh and I almost forgot; it will be a billion times worse (because “gazillion” doesn’t exist) because she knows every soul in the bar, including the singer. Especially the singer.
She will then hope the singer is not singing that sad, sad song for her and will get up and leave, escorted by the grimy hands of the undeserving man to whom she could never “just” say no.
See, “just” is actually an impossibility, along with “should”. And when they get together (like the girl and the undeserving man), the results are even more catastrophic. So I hope by then – by the end of these two days – I finally learn how to “just” say no, because I know that girl well enough to know that that’s what I “should” do.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
beak blues
What can you do when you feel lost besides letting go and falling deeper into the world?
I'd love to say I'm tired
And retired
Like Penny Lane did once.
Because I am so tired I can't even sleep.
I read Brass and it's one of my favorites now.
It said something about separating the Marys from the Magdalenes which really clung to my mind because it's exactly how I feel.
I feel so torn into two equally horrible halves that I... I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
I'm writing a novel.
It's about a girl who was sent to a Mental Institution.
Yes, it is based on many aspects of my own life.
I'm going to the beach today to escape from a certain good guy with a motorcycle, from a bad guy who's a compulsive smoker, and from all the different good and bad people I know and love and hate.
Things will be better, I just know it.
I'd love to say I'm tired
And retired
Like Penny Lane did once.
Because I am so tired I can't even sleep.
I read Brass and it's one of my favorites now.
It said something about separating the Marys from the Magdalenes which really clung to my mind because it's exactly how I feel.
I feel so torn into two equally horrible halves that I... I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
I'm writing a novel.
It's about a girl who was sent to a Mental Institution.
Yes, it is based on many aspects of my own life.
I'm going to the beach today to escape from a certain good guy with a motorcycle, from a bad guy who's a compulsive smoker, and from all the different good and bad people I know and love and hate.
Things will be better, I just know it.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
under the bell jar
So many things to think about! I can't seem to focus on any one of them, it's annoying. Things are annoying. Thinking is annoying.
-I hate it how people invent things about me for the lack of things to think about. Like the girl who insists I'm out to get her. I suppose she wants me to be, because I swear I'm not doing anything... yet. I might if she continues.
-Or the guy who keeps telling people he's my ex. There was NOTHING there. There IS nothing there.
-College applications. No further comments.
-Certain people I'm forced to see everyday.
-"Spare" people. I don't know a nice way to say it, but Janis Joplin's "Get it while you can" does a pretty good job with that:
In this world, if you read the papers, lord,
You know everybody's fighting on with each other.
You got no one you can count on, baby,
Not even your own brother.
So if someone comes along,
He's gonna give you some love and affection
I'd say get it while you can, yeah!
Honey, get it while you can,
Hey, hey, get it while you can,
Don't you turn your back on love, no, no!
Don't you know when you're loving anybody, baby,
You're taking a gamble on a little sorrow,
But then who cares, baby,
'cause we may not be here tomorrow, no.
And if anybody should come along,
He gonna give you any love and affection,
I'd say get it while you can, yeah!
Hey, hey, get it while you can,
Hey, hey, get it while you can.
Don't you turn your back on love,
No no no, no no no no no.
Oh, get it while you can,
Honey get it when you're gonna wanna need it dear, yeah yeah,
Hey hey, get it while you can,
Don't you turn your back on love,
No no no, no no no no, get it while you can,
I said hold on to somebody when you get a little lonely, dear,
Hey hey, hold on to that man's heart,
Yeah, get it, want it, hold it, need it,
Get it, want it, need it, hold it,
Get it while you can, yeah,
Honey get it while you can, baby, yeah,
Hey hey, get it while you can!
-Typing in the cold.
-Teachers insisting they're right and I'm wrong. Teachers lecturing looking at me the ENTIRE time. Beauuuuuutiful teachers with nice accents. Math teachers.
-Listening to people's unfunny jokes about embarrassing things.
-Being looked at indecently by some random guy in your Kung-Fu class.
-Not being looked at at all by the h-o-t guy in your Kung-Fu class.
-Disagreeing with a person just because they're one of those annoying people I have to see everyday. This is kind of fun actually, I have a huge tendency to do this.
-Having to listen to people revolt against wearing a yellow shirt with a red hoodie, like "Oh. My. God. Red. And. YELLOW?". Listening to this same superficial person complain about her boyfriend's "lack of fashion sense". Listening to this same person narrate her "experiences" with her boyfriend (who lacks fashion sense). Listening to this person announce weird things about periods. Listening to this same person speak at all.
-Being sure someone is in your head and telling them to get the fuck out because my thoughts are mine.
I might be going crazy like Esther Greenwood.
-I hate it how people invent things about me for the lack of things to think about. Like the girl who insists I'm out to get her. I suppose she wants me to be, because I swear I'm not doing anything... yet. I might if she continues.
-Or the guy who keeps telling people he's my ex. There was NOTHING there. There IS nothing there.
-College applications. No further comments.
-Certain people I'm forced to see everyday.
-"Spare" people. I don't know a nice way to say it, but Janis Joplin's "Get it while you can" does a pretty good job with that:
In this world, if you read the papers, lord,
You know everybody's fighting on with each other.
You got no one you can count on, baby,
Not even your own brother.
So if someone comes along,
He's gonna give you some love and affection
I'd say get it while you can, yeah!
Honey, get it while you can,
Hey, hey, get it while you can,
Don't you turn your back on love, no, no!
Don't you know when you're loving anybody, baby,
You're taking a gamble on a little sorrow,
But then who cares, baby,
'cause we may not be here tomorrow, no.
And if anybody should come along,
He gonna give you any love and affection,
I'd say get it while you can, yeah!
Hey, hey, get it while you can,
Hey, hey, get it while you can.
Don't you turn your back on love,
No no no, no no no no no.
Oh, get it while you can,
Honey get it when you're gonna wanna need it dear, yeah yeah,
Hey hey, get it while you can,
Don't you turn your back on love,
No no no, no no no no, get it while you can,
I said hold on to somebody when you get a little lonely, dear,
Hey hey, hold on to that man's heart,
Yeah, get it, want it, hold it, need it,
Get it, want it, need it, hold it,
Get it while you can, yeah,
Honey get it while you can, baby, yeah,
Hey hey, get it while you can!
-Typing in the cold.
-Teachers insisting they're right and I'm wrong. Teachers lecturing looking at me the ENTIRE time. Beauuuuuutiful teachers with nice accents. Math teachers.
-Listening to people's unfunny jokes about embarrassing things.
-Being looked at indecently by some random guy in your Kung-Fu class.
-Not being looked at at all by the h-o-t guy in your Kung-Fu class.
-Disagreeing with a person just because they're one of those annoying people I have to see everyday. This is kind of fun actually, I have a huge tendency to do this.
-Having to listen to people revolt against wearing a yellow shirt with a red hoodie, like "Oh. My. God. Red. And. YELLOW?". Listening to this same superficial person complain about her boyfriend's "lack of fashion sense". Listening to this same person narrate her "experiences" with her boyfriend (who lacks fashion sense). Listening to this person announce weird things about periods. Listening to this same person speak at all.
-Being sure someone is in your head and telling them to get the fuck out because my thoughts are mine.
I might be going crazy like Esther Greenwood.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
coisas podem acontecer
summer....
summer...
summer...
na verdade não é summer no brasil...
achei que várias coisas iam acontecer, algumas aconteceram e muitas outras também. hahah what an insight! achar que coisas vão acontecer, algumas acontecerem, algumas não, outras sim! and i make no sense at all mas acho que it fits me right now.
sim eu decidi várias coisas, vamos ver se elas acontecem. talvez aconteçam. talvez não. talvez outras coisas aconteçam. talvez não.
i don't know...
...which reminds me que eu assisti LOVE do cirque de soleil. loved it.
something - the beatles
Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover,
Something in the way she woos me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her style that shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.
You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
You stick around now it may show,
I don't know, I don't know.
Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her,
Something in the things she shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.
summer...
summer...
na verdade não é summer no brasil...
achei que várias coisas iam acontecer, algumas aconteceram e muitas outras também. hahah what an insight! achar que coisas vão acontecer, algumas acontecerem, algumas não, outras sim! and i make no sense at all mas acho que it fits me right now.
sim eu decidi várias coisas, vamos ver se elas acontecem. talvez aconteçam. talvez não. talvez outras coisas aconteçam. talvez não.
i don't know...
...which reminds me que eu assisti LOVE do cirque de soleil. loved it.
something - the beatles
Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover,
Something in the way she woos me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her style that shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.
You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
You stick around now it may show,
I don't know, I don't know.
Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her,
Something in the things she shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
síndrome de férias
Reading other people's blogs makes me realize that everyone talks about their lives as if it was the most interesting thing in the world and it kind of is. It's weird how I'm losing my faith in humanity at the same time I'm falling in love with it... I mean, seriously, what makes one person more interesting to read than another? I seriously believe everyone is equally as interesting, but to different readers.
I wish Janis Joplin had a blog.
So since I'm so over my head in this love&hate relationship with life, then I'll talk about mine too, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
-Last weekend I went to Campos, it was a good change. I love traveling, even to the closest places, it finally feels like living. I like living.
-School, on the other hand, feels like dying. I wish it didn't but it's inevitable.
-Only one more day of school!!! I have no idea what I'll do in the holidays because I'm kind of a last minute person (kind of?? :D) but I might go someplace cold. And yay, I already have a list of holiday work to do... IB Extended Essay and English Internal Assessment plus THREE books. Okay I'm definitely NOT talking about school here. It makes me feel even deader.
-Yes, I'm not going to Switzerland and London anymore... Ugh I hate being a last minute person.
-Good news: I'm finally getting over my "bad phase". I think. Oh my I should really check myself into rehab. DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE! And yes, I should write a book about it.
-I got two Joss Stone cds. The first and the last. I like the first better but yeah she's great and I LOVE my new music phase.
-I don't want to give everything away, but I might be moving into a new... room. Some decorating ideas involve hippie 'door curtains' and the 70's theme.
-I watched some really good movies... "Iron Jawed Angels" and "Wristcutters: a love story". Oh and "Walk the Line" and "Almost Famous" AGAIN.
- Oh this is really strange but I actually found out famous people can be pretty normal. At Campos I had lunch and dinner with this actress and she's really normal AND funny. Okay, I'll admit they are a bit more interesting... Penny Lane was right! Hahah I'm being pulled into the dark side....
-Currently listening to: Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Joss Stone, and one song by Social Distortion that is actually not Janis' as I first thought, "Ball and Chain".
So yeah, I'm posting because I have nothing better to do. I just got home from my almost last final (which I probably failed since it was Physics), I've already played the guitar, I've already stolen my sister's Diabolo for like an hour (and yes, those things ARE addicting), I've already eaten and oh I made a promise that I won't turn into a compulsive eater this vacation! and I'm supposed to look for holiday activities according to my mother, but I'm not on very good terms with her right now, so... Yes, I'm posting.
Which makes me realize how lame it is for everyone to think so highly of their lives. Which is what makes it interesting, since everyone's essentially the same and life is absurd for everyone. Even for famous people, it's just that their lives are absurdly cool. Yeah, the holidays are already driving me crazy, I sound like a girl from my class!
I really should check myself into a mental clinic of some sort.
I wish Janis Joplin had a blog.
So since I'm so over my head in this love&hate relationship with life, then I'll talk about mine too, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
-Last weekend I went to Campos, it was a good change. I love traveling, even to the closest places, it finally feels like living. I like living.
-School, on the other hand, feels like dying. I wish it didn't but it's inevitable.
-Only one more day of school!!! I have no idea what I'll do in the holidays because I'm kind of a last minute person (kind of?? :D) but I might go someplace cold. And yay, I already have a list of holiday work to do... IB Extended Essay and English Internal Assessment plus THREE books. Okay I'm definitely NOT talking about school here. It makes me feel even deader.
-Yes, I'm not going to Switzerland and London anymore... Ugh I hate being a last minute person.
-Good news: I'm finally getting over my "bad phase". I think. Oh my I should really check myself into rehab. DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE! And yes, I should write a book about it.
-I got two Joss Stone cds. The first and the last. I like the first better but yeah she's great and I LOVE my new music phase.
-I don't want to give everything away, but I might be moving into a new... room. Some decorating ideas involve hippie 'door curtains' and the 70's theme.
-I watched some really good movies... "Iron Jawed Angels" and "Wristcutters: a love story". Oh and "Walk the Line" and "Almost Famous" AGAIN.
- Oh this is really strange but I actually found out famous people can be pretty normal. At Campos I had lunch and dinner with this actress and she's really normal AND funny. Okay, I'll admit they are a bit more interesting... Penny Lane was right! Hahah I'm being pulled into the dark side....
-Currently listening to: Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Joss Stone, and one song by Social Distortion that is actually not Janis' as I first thought, "Ball and Chain".
So yeah, I'm posting because I have nothing better to do. I just got home from my almost last final (which I probably failed since it was Physics), I've already played the guitar, I've already stolen my sister's Diabolo for like an hour (and yes, those things ARE addicting), I've already eaten and oh I made a promise that I won't turn into a compulsive eater this vacation! and I'm supposed to look for holiday activities according to my mother, but I'm not on very good terms with her right now, so... Yes, I'm posting.
Which makes me realize how lame it is for everyone to think so highly of their lives. Which is what makes it interesting, since everyone's essentially the same and life is absurd for everyone. Even for famous people, it's just that their lives are absurdly cool. Yeah, the holidays are already driving me crazy, I sound like a girl from my class!
I really should check myself into a mental clinic of some sort.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
só isso.
Ás vezes eu só quero tocar meu violão. Mais nada.
Nem quero tocar direito, tocar um solo ou um riff complicado, mas só quero tocar.
Quero só pensar no momento; no som, na textura das cordas, no conforto da madeira, e no cheiro do instrumento.
Todo o resto parece MUITO MAIS, MAIS DEMAIS em minhas mãos. Parece que eu não vou dar conta.
Quem me vê pensa que eu consigo dar conta de tudo, que eu sou eficiente, que eu sou focada e etc. Mas eu também sou humana e não dou conta de tudo não!
Muitas vezes, eu só quero tocar meu violão.
Nem quero tocar direito, tocar um solo ou um riff complicado, mas só quero tocar.
Quero só pensar no momento; no som, na textura das cordas, no conforto da madeira, e no cheiro do instrumento.
Todo o resto parece MUITO MAIS, MAIS DEMAIS em minhas mãos. Parece que eu não vou dar conta.
Quem me vê pensa que eu consigo dar conta de tudo, que eu sou eficiente, que eu sou focada e etc. Mas eu também sou humana e não dou conta de tudo não!
Muitas vezes, eu só quero tocar meu violão.
THE SUCKIEST ENTRY EVER POSTED
Overwhelmed
Overworked
Overstressed
Overannoyed
Overtired
Overprotected
Overreacted
Overpunished
Overmelancholic
Overfedup
Overanxious
Wishing it was all over
Counting the days till it's over
And very very FASDJFASFH overall.
Overworked
Overstressed
Overannoyed
Overtired
Overprotected
Overreacted
Overpunished
Overmelancholic
Overfedup
Overanxious
Wishing it was all over
Counting the days till it's over
And very very FASDJFASFH overall.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Grande Pequena
Um cappuccino amargo
Com constantes adoçantes
Uma mordida queijuda
De queijo quente na chapa
Em uma tarde nublada
Fria, mas ensolarada
Frente a frente, e o barulho da estrada
Depois da escola
De outra recuperação
Com rugas na testa, calor no corpo
Mas nenhuma
Preocupação
Grande demais para a cadeira
Mas para o mundo, muito pequena
Com cem reais no bolso
E zero na carteira
Descobri o meu passado
Garanti algum futuro
Mais perto, mais certo
Mais completo, mais inteiro
Voltei pra casa e peguei meu violão
Toquei pros mortos, para os vivos, para
A solidão
Grande demais para a cadeira
Mas para o mundo, muito pequena
Com cem reais no bolso
E zero na carteira
Com constantes adoçantes
Uma mordida queijuda
De queijo quente na chapa
Em uma tarde nublada
Fria, mas ensolarada
Frente a frente, e o barulho da estrada
Depois da escola
De outra recuperação
Com rugas na testa, calor no corpo
Mas nenhuma
Preocupação
Grande demais para a cadeira
Mas para o mundo, muito pequena
Com cem reais no bolso
E zero na carteira
Descobri o meu passado
Garanti algum futuro
Mais perto, mais certo
Mais completo, mais inteiro
Voltei pra casa e peguei meu violão
Toquei pros mortos, para os vivos, para
A solidão
Grande demais para a cadeira
Mas para o mundo, muito pequena
Com cem reais no bolso
E zero na carteira
Monday, May 19, 2008
today in a few words
Open curtains...
MAC
You look a little morose, honey.
What’s eating you?
JUNO
I’m losing my faith in humanity.
MAC
Think you can narrow it down for me?
Close curtains...
MAC
You look a little morose, honey.
What’s eating you?
JUNO
I’m losing my faith in humanity.
MAC
Think you can narrow it down for me?
Close curtains...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Kozmic Blues - Janis Joplin
Time keeps moving on,
Friends they turn away,
Lordy Lord.
Well, I keep moving on
But I never found out why
I keep pushing so hard a dream,
I keep trying to make it right
Through another lonely day.
Whoa — don't discover it lasts ...
Honey, time keeps a-moving on, hey yeah, yeah yeah.
Well, I'm twenty-five years older now
So I know it can't be right
And I'm no better baby and I can't help you no more
Than I did when I was just a girl.
Yeah!
But it don't make no difference baby, no, no,
'Cause I know that I could always try.
There's a fire inside of everyone of us, huh-uh,
I'm gonna need it now,
I'm gonna hold it yeah,
I'm gonna use it till the day I die.
Don't, honey, don't you expect any answers, dear,
Ah, I know they don't come with age, no, no, no, no.
Hey, I ain't never gonna love you any better baby
'Cause I'm never gonna love you right
So you better take it now, I said right yes now, yeah.
But it don't make no difference baby, no, no,
'Cause I know that I could always try.
There's a fire inside of everyone of us, huh-uh,
I'm gonna need it now,
I'm gonna use it yeah,
I'm gonna hold it till the day I die.
Don't make no difference babe, no, no, no,
Honey, I hate to be the one.
I said you're gonna live your life
And you're gonna love, love, love your life.
I'm gonna need it now,
I'm gonna hold it yeah,
I'm gonna use it, say, whoa ...
Don't make no difference, baby, no, no, no,
Honey, I hate, I hate to be the one.
I said every time you're gonna wanna love somebody,
Every time you're gonna wanna need somebody,
You're gonna wanna turn around, I'm gonna be there.
No no no no no, no no no no no, no no no no.
When you're gonna put out your hand,
All your want is some kind of lovin' man,
He ain't gonna be there, I said, not here.
No no no no, no no no no, no no no no,
No no no, no no no, no no no no,
No no no no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, wah wah, whoa,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Honey when I wanna reach out my hand
I said darling all I ever wanted
Was for you to understand me now — whoa
Ah baby, I wanna sing about me Lord, honey, every day yeah!
Friends they turn away,
Lordy Lord.
Well, I keep moving on
But I never found out why
I keep pushing so hard a dream,
I keep trying to make it right
Through another lonely day.
Whoa — don't discover it lasts ...
Honey, time keeps a-moving on, hey yeah, yeah yeah.
Well, I'm twenty-five years older now
So I know it can't be right
And I'm no better baby and I can't help you no more
Than I did when I was just a girl.
Yeah!
But it don't make no difference baby, no, no,
'Cause I know that I could always try.
There's a fire inside of everyone of us, huh-uh,
I'm gonna need it now,
I'm gonna hold it yeah,
I'm gonna use it till the day I die.
Don't, honey, don't you expect any answers, dear,
Ah, I know they don't come with age, no, no, no, no.
Hey, I ain't never gonna love you any better baby
'Cause I'm never gonna love you right
So you better take it now, I said right yes now, yeah.
But it don't make no difference baby, no, no,
'Cause I know that I could always try.
There's a fire inside of everyone of us, huh-uh,
I'm gonna need it now,
I'm gonna use it yeah,
I'm gonna hold it till the day I die.
Don't make no difference babe, no, no, no,
Honey, I hate to be the one.
I said you're gonna live your life
And you're gonna love, love, love your life.
I'm gonna need it now,
I'm gonna hold it yeah,
I'm gonna use it, say, whoa ...
Don't make no difference, baby, no, no, no,
Honey, I hate, I hate to be the one.
I said every time you're gonna wanna love somebody,
Every time you're gonna wanna need somebody,
You're gonna wanna turn around, I'm gonna be there.
No no no no no, no no no no no, no no no no.
When you're gonna put out your hand,
All your want is some kind of lovin' man,
He ain't gonna be there, I said, not here.
No no no no, no no no no, no no no no,
No no no, no no no, no no no no,
No no no no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, wah wah, whoa,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Honey when I wanna reach out my hand
I said darling all I ever wanted
Was for you to understand me now — whoa
Ah baby, I wanna sing about me Lord, honey, every day yeah!
Monday, April 14, 2008
usando uma máscara
Quando você usa uma máscara o mundo inteiro fica aos seus pés por tempo suficiente para se aproveitar disso. Você pode tanto mandar um cara se foder quanto beijar três desconhecidos que é tudo bem. A máscara deixa. Você também pode ficar com pena de pessoas que, sem a máscara, você admirava. A máscara também atrai gente do passado. É bem bizarro usar a máscara. Ainda mais combinada com intoxicantes budistas.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Acho que eu to ficando louca
Blah. Blaaaah!
Que semana...
Não vejo a hora pro fim de semana chegar.
Coisas...:
-Sim, muita gente pode pintar de legal mas NÃO É. Acho que quase ninguém é. "I'm losing my faith in humanity" também, e olha que eu NÃO estou grávida.
-Aquele famoso par de golden-tipped lashes ainda tão driving me crazy. Oh my.
-Eu to meio que interessada em Budismo. COMO assim, só depois da Crisma?? Esses dias tem sido bem sem idle talk. Sim, me fez pensar na vida, talvez eu até estou mais perto de Enlightenment, mas tenho que dizer: a maior parte de mim se sente como um zumbi.
-Preciso de um fake ID. Ai como eu quero que esse ano passe... Pensando bem, tomara que não passe em branco.
o goooosh eu to "meio" cukoo agora.... muitos impulsos ilegais e out of bounds tão me puxando e conseguindo
see what i mean??
Que semana...
Não vejo a hora pro fim de semana chegar.
Coisas...:
-Sim, muita gente pode pintar de legal mas NÃO É. Acho que quase ninguém é. "I'm losing my faith in humanity" também, e olha que eu NÃO estou grávida.
-Aquele famoso par de golden-tipped lashes ainda tão driving me crazy. Oh my.
-Eu to meio que interessada em Budismo. COMO assim, só depois da Crisma?? Esses dias tem sido bem sem idle talk. Sim, me fez pensar na vida, talvez eu até estou mais perto de Enlightenment, mas tenho que dizer: a maior parte de mim se sente como um zumbi.
-Preciso de um fake ID. Ai como eu quero que esse ano passe... Pensando bem, tomara que não passe em branco.
o goooosh eu to "meio" cukoo agora.... muitos impulsos ilegais e out of bounds tão me puxando e conseguindo
see what i mean??
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
tenho sede!
Not much to say of the past days... They went by all the same...
Nossa isso sim podia ser uma musica... Hahah dá uma olhada nessa aí debaixo...
MY LIPS ARE GUILTY
They grow from your chin
I've never seen them there before
I've never noticed you as a whole before
I'm taken back by how you pull me
They're red and brown
Like your spiky feel me hair
And at first I frowned
But now my lips just want to feel them
You shot me with steel
In my dreams and in my life
Your black thirsty eyes could mean you're a vampire
Yet you're so real
Your sheep thunder voice
Scared the hell out of me that day
I'd never thought it could tickle me
One day this day so soon maybe someday
I've always liked chilly rainy days
They made me feel warm with memories
But today it was just cold and wet
Because you haven't decided yet
And I've tried and I've tried and I've tried
Being me or one of those girls
But you hide or you fly or you're simply so shy
Maybe one day this day so soon maybe someday
The numbers are even
Do they help, do they press you too?
Cause they binded me to a pact
Involving other guys than you
Still the steel in your eyes
And the red and brown in your chin
Keep me walking this bouncy way
Until one day this day so soon maybe someday...
Agora um brief summary desses dias: can't wait till I graduate, "only" a little over a year left. Parece que só aí eu vou re-começar a viver. Por enquanto, eu to em casa escrevendo sem estar inspirada me sentindo super duper bouncy até o tempo passar.
Quando é que eu parei? Esses dias eu tenho sentido sono mas também não tenho conseguido dormir a noite. Eu NUNCA fui assim. Acho que essa viagem mexeu comigo, acostumei com a liberdade e fiquei em coma quando ela acabou. Isso me lembra de algo que eu li outro dia. Por mais que eu não acredite nessa coisa de signos, a descrição do meu dizia "sede de liberdade". Who knows...
É, acho que é isso. Eu tenho sede. De tudo talvez, não só de liberdade. O que me lembra de outra coisinha que saiu quase inconscientemente de mim. Saiu em uma quase crise, um quase um cold-turkey.
Muita gente diz que 17 é a idade mais bonita. Uma vez alguém me disse que queria ter 17 para sempre. Eu não. Eu nunca!
Ter 17 anos para sempre deve ser a pior coisa. Deve ser como estar em um avião, pronta para pular de pára-quedas, com um pé para fora e um para dentro, e ficar presa neste momento eternamente. Não. Deve ser pior. Deve ser como estar no último andar de um prédio, pendurada por uma mão, sem poder subir, sem poder soltar.
Pensando bem, ser qualquer coisa para sempre deve ser horrível. Mais que isso! Deve ser deprimente saber que tudo pode ou não ser em vão, e que tanto faz.
Sim, vocês devem ter notado como eu me apego aos excessos, aos exageros, aos “pior que issos”, aos “mais que issos”... É que eu tenho medo. Medo de não ter tempo de ter tudo. Por isso, eu quero sempre “mais que isso” e tudo “isso”, seja lá o que “isso” é, o mais rápido possível.
Nossa isso sim podia ser uma musica... Hahah dá uma olhada nessa aí debaixo...
MY LIPS ARE GUILTY
They grow from your chin
I've never seen them there before
I've never noticed you as a whole before
I'm taken back by how you pull me
They're red and brown
Like your spiky feel me hair
And at first I frowned
But now my lips just want to feel them
You shot me with steel
In my dreams and in my life
Your black thirsty eyes could mean you're a vampire
Yet you're so real
Your sheep thunder voice
Scared the hell out of me that day
I'd never thought it could tickle me
One day this day so soon maybe someday
I've always liked chilly rainy days
They made me feel warm with memories
But today it was just cold and wet
Because you haven't decided yet
And I've tried and I've tried and I've tried
Being me or one of those girls
But you hide or you fly or you're simply so shy
Maybe one day this day so soon maybe someday
The numbers are even
Do they help, do they press you too?
Cause they binded me to a pact
Involving other guys than you
Still the steel in your eyes
And the red and brown in your chin
Keep me walking this bouncy way
Until one day this day so soon maybe someday...
Agora um brief summary desses dias: can't wait till I graduate, "only" a little over a year left. Parece que só aí eu vou re-começar a viver. Por enquanto, eu to em casa escrevendo sem estar inspirada me sentindo super duper bouncy até o tempo passar.
Quando é que eu parei? Esses dias eu tenho sentido sono mas também não tenho conseguido dormir a noite. Eu NUNCA fui assim. Acho que essa viagem mexeu comigo, acostumei com a liberdade e fiquei em coma quando ela acabou. Isso me lembra de algo que eu li outro dia. Por mais que eu não acredite nessa coisa de signos, a descrição do meu dizia "sede de liberdade". Who knows...
É, acho que é isso. Eu tenho sede. De tudo talvez, não só de liberdade. O que me lembra de outra coisinha que saiu quase inconscientemente de mim. Saiu em uma quase crise, um quase um cold-turkey.
Muita gente diz que 17 é a idade mais bonita. Uma vez alguém me disse que queria ter 17 para sempre. Eu não. Eu nunca!
Ter 17 anos para sempre deve ser a pior coisa. Deve ser como estar em um avião, pronta para pular de pára-quedas, com um pé para fora e um para dentro, e ficar presa neste momento eternamente. Não. Deve ser pior. Deve ser como estar no último andar de um prédio, pendurada por uma mão, sem poder subir, sem poder soltar.
Pensando bem, ser qualquer coisa para sempre deve ser horrível. Mais que isso! Deve ser deprimente saber que tudo pode ou não ser em vão, e que tanto faz.
Sim, vocês devem ter notado como eu me apego aos excessos, aos exageros, aos “pior que issos”, aos “mais que issos”... É que eu tenho medo. Medo de não ter tempo de ter tudo. Por isso, eu quero sempre “mais que isso” e tudo “isso”, seja lá o que “isso” é, o mais rápido possível.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
tpm ao extremo
Hoje definitivamente não foi um dia bom para mim. Nem vou explicar senão corro o risco de ficar blue de novo... Mas resumindo...
Como é possível sentir falta de alguém que não conheci direito? Ou que conheci sim (muito bem por sinal), mas há muito tempo atrás? É difícil responder e é difícil pensar nisso, mas também mutio fácil de se chatear. Não chatear de boring, talvez a palavra certa seja magoar.
Descobri que amo e odeio fotografias antigas. Ao sentir o liso ligeiramente grudento da superfície da foto ao beija-la de levinho, eu não conseigo não chorar. Por mais emo que pareça.
Sabe que os emos até que têm razão neste ponto? No momento eu prefiro bem mais viver minha vida ao máximo, sentindo TODOS os sentimentos disponíveis. Nem que saiam em forma de lágrimas. Mas bem que eu preferiria se saíssem de outro jeito.
Acho que tem um nome pro meu sentimento de agora. TPM. Ao extremo.
Como é possível sentir falta de alguém que não conheci direito? Ou que conheci sim (muito bem por sinal), mas há muito tempo atrás? É difícil responder e é difícil pensar nisso, mas também mutio fácil de se chatear. Não chatear de boring, talvez a palavra certa seja magoar.
Descobri que amo e odeio fotografias antigas. Ao sentir o liso ligeiramente grudento da superfície da foto ao beija-la de levinho, eu não conseigo não chorar. Por mais emo que pareça.
Sabe que os emos até que têm razão neste ponto? No momento eu prefiro bem mais viver minha vida ao máximo, sentindo TODOS os sentimentos disponíveis. Nem que saiam em forma de lágrimas. Mas bem que eu preferiria se saíssem de outro jeito.
Acho que tem um nome pro meu sentimento de agora. TPM. Ao extremo.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The mos beautiful song...
Birds - Kate Nash
She was waitin` at the station
He was gettin` off the train
He didn't have a ticket
So he had to bum through the barriors, again.
Well the ticket inspector saw him rushin` through
He said, girl you don't know how much I missed you
But we better run cause I
Haven't got the funds to pay
This fine
She said fine
So they ran out of the station
And jumped onto a bus with
Two of yesterdays travel cards
And two bottles of bud
And he said you look well nice.
Well she was wearin a scarf
And he thought she looked nice and
Yeah she didn't really care about
Anything else because she only
Wanted him to think that she looked nice
And he did
But he was lookin at her yeah
All funny in the eye
She said c`mon boy
Tell me what you're thinkin` of
Don't be shy
He said alright I'll try
Well the stars up in the sky
And the leaves in the tree
Oh the broke and missed branches
Pop inbetweenAll of my air in the world
Is how much that I like you
She said what?
He said let me try and explain again
Right birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel so scared
But when you look at them
And you see that they are beautiful
That's how I feel about you
Right birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel so scared
But when you look at them
And you see that they are beautiful
That's how I feel about you
Yeah that's how I feel about you
She said what?
He said you
She said what are you talking about?
He said you
Right birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel well scared
But when you look at them
And you see that they are beautiful
That's how I feel about you
(REPEAT)
And that's how I feel about you
She said thanks I like you too
He said cool
She was waitin` at the station
He was gettin` off the train
He didn't have a ticket
So he had to bum through the barriors, again.
Well the ticket inspector saw him rushin` through
He said, girl you don't know how much I missed you
But we better run cause I
Haven't got the funds to pay
This fine
She said fine
So they ran out of the station
And jumped onto a bus with
Two of yesterdays travel cards
And two bottles of bud
And he said you look well nice.
Well she was wearin a scarf
And he thought she looked nice and
Yeah she didn't really care about
Anything else because she only
Wanted him to think that she looked nice
And he did
But he was lookin at her yeah
All funny in the eye
She said c`mon boy
Tell me what you're thinkin` of
Don't be shy
He said alright I'll try
Well the stars up in the sky
And the leaves in the tree
Oh the broke and missed branches
Pop inbetweenAll of my air in the world
Is how much that I like you
She said what?
He said let me try and explain again
Right birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel so scared
But when you look at them
And you see that they are beautiful
That's how I feel about you
Right birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel so scared
But when you look at them
And you see that they are beautiful
That's how I feel about you
Yeah that's how I feel about you
She said what?
He said you
She said what are you talking about?
He said you
Right birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel well scared
But when you look at them
And you see that they are beautiful
That's how I feel about you
(REPEAT)
And that's how I feel about you
She said thanks I like you too
He said cool
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
back from taiwan... saudades!
Saudades é uma palavra que não existe em outra língua... Que jeito de começar um post!
SO much happened, I really don't know how to start. É tão brega começar do jeito que eu comecei, mas... de novo, não sei como começar... Com certeza não vou conseguir descrever tudo do jeito que aconteceu e com certeza não vai caber aqui... Minhas fotos estão no meu facebook, maybe they'll do a better job explaining. Ou não.
Os melhores momentos com certeza foram de noite, não tenho muitas fotos, o que talvez seja uma coisa boa... ;)
Algumas coisas que com certeza me mudaram:
-Meus amigos (Na, Jaque, Henry, Will, Di, Isa, Ana, Pic, Nat, John, Yen... e todo mundo que foi)
-Minha dieta de miojo e smirnoff
-7 eleven, hi life, e family mart
-A faculdade chata (bem que eu queria estar lah agora!!)
-Dormir no busão... Agora toda vez que eu entro em um carro eu fico com sono!! xD
-As chinezonas e os chinezoes... Com os cabelos queimados de poodle e as roupas "estilosas" (cof cof)
-Os monitores (ICD, Tia, Shiao Fan, Jiarong, Shower... e Winnie é claro... Isabella! Jaqueline!!)
-Ir pra balada andando (e voltar de taxi pendurada no ombro do will... xD)
-O alojamento... Ficar trancada pra fora do meu quarto quando minha roomie estava dormindo (morrendo de vontade de fazer xixi) e ir dormir no quarto da na... Precisar de 3 pessoas pra me botarem na cama (pq q eu fui escolher a beliche de cima??? xD), comprar papel higienico da jaque, invadir o quarto dos meninos, descobrir a ponte entre o alojamento feminino e masculino, fugir do diretor do mal e se esconder no banheiro, levar bebida numa caixa da puma (e quase ter que deixar no quarto do mike), tomar banho conversando e cantando (jolin in the house... dt in the house... hahahah), usar o banheiro masculino no ultimo dia por preguica e dar de cara com um cara...
-O onibus C (e até do pessoal cantando karaoke chines)
-Tomar chuva (pelo menos meu all star branco não ta mais branco... heheheh)
-Apostar corrida no patio do templo
-Starbucks
-Ficar de ressaca (nunca mais tomo shots de Absolut!!! hahaha alcool zulu!!)
-Pegar o trem pra Taipei e perder meu bilhete
-Andar de metro pela 1° vez!! (henry, naum me zoa!! xD)
-O cheiro do tofu fedido
-Cha de boba
-Fazer mimica pra sobreviver
-As batatas ruins do Mc
-Comprar comprar comprar!!!
-Pedir desconto através de mímica
-A loja das prateleiras que mexem
-O filme de dormir (in the name of the king... i seriously recommend it! cof cof)
-As maquinas de pegar bichinho (é, eu conseguir de primeira... XD XD)
-Vesper (ewww, sim é do 007 mas NUNCA mais eu bebo aquilo)
-A chineza sem dente do banheiro e o filipino tarado do bar
-As termas
-Comer bolo com palitinho
....
to be continued
SO much happened, I really don't know how to start. É tão brega começar do jeito que eu comecei, mas... de novo, não sei como começar... Com certeza não vou conseguir descrever tudo do jeito que aconteceu e com certeza não vai caber aqui... Minhas fotos estão no meu facebook, maybe they'll do a better job explaining. Ou não.
Os melhores momentos com certeza foram de noite, não tenho muitas fotos, o que talvez seja uma coisa boa... ;)
Algumas coisas que com certeza me mudaram:
-Meus amigos (Na, Jaque, Henry, Will, Di, Isa, Ana, Pic, Nat, John, Yen... e todo mundo que foi)
-Minha dieta de miojo e smirnoff
-7 eleven, hi life, e family mart
-A faculdade chata (bem que eu queria estar lah agora!!)
-Dormir no busão... Agora toda vez que eu entro em um carro eu fico com sono!! xD
-As chinezonas e os chinezoes... Com os cabelos queimados de poodle e as roupas "estilosas" (cof cof)
-Os monitores (ICD, Tia, Shiao Fan, Jiarong, Shower... e Winnie é claro... Isabella! Jaqueline!!)
-Ir pra balada andando (e voltar de taxi pendurada no ombro do will... xD)
-O alojamento... Ficar trancada pra fora do meu quarto quando minha roomie estava dormindo (morrendo de vontade de fazer xixi) e ir dormir no quarto da na... Precisar de 3 pessoas pra me botarem na cama (pq q eu fui escolher a beliche de cima??? xD), comprar papel higienico da jaque, invadir o quarto dos meninos, descobrir a ponte entre o alojamento feminino e masculino, fugir do diretor do mal e se esconder no banheiro, levar bebida numa caixa da puma (e quase ter que deixar no quarto do mike), tomar banho conversando e cantando (jolin in the house... dt in the house... hahahah), usar o banheiro masculino no ultimo dia por preguica e dar de cara com um cara...
-O onibus C (e até do pessoal cantando karaoke chines)
-Tomar chuva (pelo menos meu all star branco não ta mais branco... heheheh)
-Apostar corrida no patio do templo
-Starbucks
-Ficar de ressaca (nunca mais tomo shots de Absolut!!! hahaha alcool zulu!!)
-Pegar o trem pra Taipei e perder meu bilhete
-Andar de metro pela 1° vez!! (henry, naum me zoa!! xD)
-O cheiro do tofu fedido
-Cha de boba
-Fazer mimica pra sobreviver
-As batatas ruins do Mc
-Comprar comprar comprar!!!
-Pedir desconto através de mímica
-A loja das prateleiras que mexem
-O filme de dormir (in the name of the king... i seriously recommend it! cof cof)
-As maquinas de pegar bichinho (é, eu conseguir de primeira... XD XD)
-Vesper (ewww, sim é do 007 mas NUNCA mais eu bebo aquilo)
-A chineza sem dente do banheiro e o filipino tarado do bar
-As termas
-Comer bolo com palitinho
....
to be continued
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)