It's funny how certain people just seem to deserve each other. Remember the "undeserving man" I mentioned a few entries back? Well, I have a feeling he is about to get on with my ex-undeserving-best-friend. And it doesn't hurt and it doesn't surprise; it's actually a huge relief to know I'll be getting rid of two bruises from a past life. Ugh, it takes SO long to get rid of past lives like those.
But anyway, Christmas is here and even though I am no longer a Catholic, maybe not even Christian (but about that I'm not sure), it's still my favourite holiday. Yes, the presents and the food play a huge part, I won't lie and pretend I don't think about that. But some part of me does smile with the part of family and tradition and all that. I just love it. And I'm getting a 12-string folk guitar this year - no further comments necessary, I know.
What else? Oh, I've been watching great movies lately. Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is great and "Twilight" is actually not as bad as I thought. But you know what they say about anything being great as long as you are in great company huh? Muahaha not another word about that (because honestly, it's not at all as I've made it sound - it's just me idealizing and, well, lying, about real life; if I didn't, who would? and wouldn't the world be too gray?).
Other than that I've been sleeping a lot, trying to recover before New Year's so I'm a completely different person next year. No, not completely different, just... separated from what hurt me this year. So yes, I have been dreaming and telling myself the most incredible stories all day long too. And I love it.
I'm off - I'm watching "Walk the Line", one of my faves.
*
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Pause
I'd been planning to post that last one about a week and a half ago, but you know...
And guess what, I was just overreacting, as usual! Knowing that anything is possible, I mean really really knowing that, just blows my mind. This time things did work out right, to my relief. The "right" person did show up and even the singer had her eyes wide open.
But enough about that.
I'm just incredibly happy at the moment - I got accepted at Emerson College! It's one of the best for Journalism and Communication and those things I'm in love with.
And school's over, Xmas is near, then there's New Year's, and all is well. Sigh. It's a relief that for a moment all can be well.
Listen to KT Tunstall's "Silent Sea".
Then go over to ******* and if I can get it to work, listen to "Fish Me Out". It's about falling and makes complete sense now that I've finally come to a stop.
*
And guess what, I was just overreacting, as usual! Knowing that anything is possible, I mean really really knowing that, just blows my mind. This time things did work out right, to my relief. The "right" person did show up and even the singer had her eyes wide open.
But enough about that.
I'm just incredibly happy at the moment - I got accepted at Emerson College! It's one of the best for Journalism and Communication and those things I'm in love with.
And school's over, Xmas is near, then there's New Year's, and all is well. Sigh. It's a relief that for a moment all can be well.
Listen to KT Tunstall's "Silent Sea".
Then go over to ******* and if I can get it to work, listen to "Fish Me Out". It's about falling and makes complete sense now that I've finally come to a stop.
*
How to Just Say No (and this was not written by a mother or a shrink)
How to "Just" Say No
"Just" is a funny word because most of the times it refers to no small task and it is not fair at all. People say "just" at the scariest times, at the most stressful moment of their mediocre lives. Like "just tell him you love him" or "just pull the fucking trigger" or "just jump off the airplane because the parachute WILL work". And in case it doesn't, there's always the reserve.
But hey, "just" is not easy. "Just” is actually the hardest thing for me, especially when followed by the words "say no". I can't "just say no" and people think it is because I'm way too nice. But it's not because of that. Sometimes I think I'm not nice at all and I'm writing a whole new book to prove it. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, but then again, everyone's crazy. So I must be sane.
But back to the "just say no". How can I do it, can someone tell me? In this case I haven't got certain "toxics" in mind because I haven't got a problem with them. In this case, there's a certain person. A certain... boy? Man? I'm not sure.
Let's say there are two people. Two people, one of which is the most amazing person in the world for whom you have to wait just a little longer. And the other... well, the other just looks nice, I confess. Why, oh why do certain people have to look nice? SO nice? And why do they have it in them, in their bodies and in their words, to make you feel so good when you should actually feel nothing because he doesn’t deserve making you feel that way? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Like, the person for whom you’re waiting should be the one making you feel that way. Should.
“Should” is also a funny word. Like “just”. Most of the times it refers to something that is supposed to happen but for some reason doesn’t. And when I say “some reason” I mean “my stupidness”.
Oh well.
In any event, I “should” (just) apologize to that one person I’m supposed to wait for. It’s only a couple of days, I know, yet to me – the most impatient person in the world – two days is not two days. Two days is a lifetime or five. And then there’s always that doubt pinned to the back of my mind, similar to the one of the parachute and its reserve. What if he doesn’t open? I mean, what if he doesn’t come?
If he doesn’t come people will notice. People sitting in parties of at least two will look at and feel sorry for the one person sitting by herself in the entire bar. That won’t matter that much though, next to how the one person sitting by herself will feel. That person will think of all the things that could have happened and never did and feel sorry for herself. Then she will not be able to “just” say no to all the drinks being offered and to the undeserving man ever again. And then the world will end, because Global Warming’s sure to come, innit? Oh and I almost forgot; it will be a billion times worse (because “gazillion” doesn’t exist) because she knows every soul in the bar, including the singer. Especially the singer.
She will then hope the singer is not singing that sad, sad song for her and will get up and leave, escorted by the grimy hands of the undeserving man to whom she could never “just” say no.
See, “just” is actually an impossibility, along with “should”. And when they get together (like the girl and the undeserving man), the results are even more catastrophic. So I hope by then – by the end of these two days – I finally learn how to “just” say no, because I know that girl well enough to know that that’s what I “should” do.
"Just" is a funny word because most of the times it refers to no small task and it is not fair at all. People say "just" at the scariest times, at the most stressful moment of their mediocre lives. Like "just tell him you love him" or "just pull the fucking trigger" or "just jump off the airplane because the parachute WILL work". And in case it doesn't, there's always the reserve.
But hey, "just" is not easy. "Just” is actually the hardest thing for me, especially when followed by the words "say no". I can't "just say no" and people think it is because I'm way too nice. But it's not because of that. Sometimes I think I'm not nice at all and I'm writing a whole new book to prove it. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, but then again, everyone's crazy. So I must be sane.
But back to the "just say no". How can I do it, can someone tell me? In this case I haven't got certain "toxics" in mind because I haven't got a problem with them. In this case, there's a certain person. A certain... boy? Man? I'm not sure.
Let's say there are two people. Two people, one of which is the most amazing person in the world for whom you have to wait just a little longer. And the other... well, the other just looks nice, I confess. Why, oh why do certain people have to look nice? SO nice? And why do they have it in them, in their bodies and in their words, to make you feel so good when you should actually feel nothing because he doesn’t deserve making you feel that way? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Like, the person for whom you’re waiting should be the one making you feel that way. Should.
“Should” is also a funny word. Like “just”. Most of the times it refers to something that is supposed to happen but for some reason doesn’t. And when I say “some reason” I mean “my stupidness”.
Oh well.
In any event, I “should” (just) apologize to that one person I’m supposed to wait for. It’s only a couple of days, I know, yet to me – the most impatient person in the world – two days is not two days. Two days is a lifetime or five. And then there’s always that doubt pinned to the back of my mind, similar to the one of the parachute and its reserve. What if he doesn’t open? I mean, what if he doesn’t come?
If he doesn’t come people will notice. People sitting in parties of at least two will look at and feel sorry for the one person sitting by herself in the entire bar. That won’t matter that much though, next to how the one person sitting by herself will feel. That person will think of all the things that could have happened and never did and feel sorry for herself. Then she will not be able to “just” say no to all the drinks being offered and to the undeserving man ever again. And then the world will end, because Global Warming’s sure to come, innit? Oh and I almost forgot; it will be a billion times worse (because “gazillion” doesn’t exist) because she knows every soul in the bar, including the singer. Especially the singer.
She will then hope the singer is not singing that sad, sad song for her and will get up and leave, escorted by the grimy hands of the undeserving man to whom she could never “just” say no.
See, “just” is actually an impossibility, along with “should”. And when they get together (like the girl and the undeserving man), the results are even more catastrophic. So I hope by then – by the end of these two days – I finally learn how to “just” say no, because I know that girl well enough to know that that’s what I “should” do.
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