Walking After Midnight

As I heard what sounded like a fat fish falling on the wet floor, all I could think of were my favorite boots. It was crucial not to get them splattered.
I lowered my eyes, which were usually looking up and above and lost in dream-land, to find a wasted-looking girl (who'd otherwise look extremely cool and elegant) puking her alcohol-corrosed insides out. The room spun. Without stopping once, I skipped over the chemically-colored purple puddle of regret on the floor and made my way over to my final destination: the last, blissful-looking black bathroom stall in the dirty, vomit-smelling, toilet-papered bathroom. I locked myself inside and let out a deep, shaky sigh.
A mental timer went off in my mind; I had less than five minutes before they started wondering where I was to figure out the entire purpose of my existence... and pee. My mind was so convoluted with thoughts and drinks that I didn't even know where to start.
I let out another breath, trying to place myself back in control.
First hang your purse on that tiny hook on the door. Check.
Now try to make that toilet look a little less infected. Check.
Okay, now concentrate and release the infinite amounts of liquids you just poured inside your bladder.
The room continued to spin whimsically around me, like a pinched balloon flying in the air. List. Make another list.
Okay.
Glass of Red Label. Shot of Grey Goose. Beer cup, beer cup, beer cup. Vodka & Red Bull.
Ew.
Nausea took me by the neck and I swooned.
My mental timer kept on running, its pace seeming to pick up as every second went by. Another breath. In and out... and start.

Thought No.1: letting the Mad Hatter go, convincing myself that I'd idealized him in every way in my mind... just because of the accent. Check. Additional note on that: this was only the first thought chronologically, not because it was the most important. Word.
Thought No.2: believing with my heart and soul that with time, things at home would even out. Because they were meant to be and they know it.
Thought No.3: dealing with my best friend and hoping to get my message across without causing much damage. Because it does happen to everyone and because I do love him to much just like that - a friend - to be straightforward about it.
Thought No.4: answering someone else's message and deciding if I want it or not.
Thought No.5: deciding if yet another person is bipolar or not, clearing things up about that stolen token of my good-will and about that drunken peace sign last weekend.
Thought No.6: not getting drunk...er.
Thought No.7: ignoring someone else's rudeness yesterday at the place I thought I'd never have to see again. Because I am too nice and because I do care too much. And because he's only bitter because I didn't grovel for him, like the wrong girl continuously does. Laughing at him because she does grovel and because he's flattered, but doesn't want her.
Thought No.8: keeping clear from someone, just for tonight, despite the ride she gave me earlier. Because she's drunk and I am too, and neither of us want to admit it.
Thought No.9: clearing things up with Freddie Mercury II - is he or is he not? I mean, WTF. I am not Bella. Technically yes, and maybe in many other ways too. But... no. Not an inspiration in that sense at all - just in the soul.
Thought No.10: STOP WORRYING ABOUT DINNER. You don't always have to say all the right things and rock because that's what friends are for - for knowing you when you do and when you don't rock. And role models and family even more. And yeah, everyone knows you're a bit of a dreamer and yeah, everyone knows you were born in the wrong decade and yeah, she's a bit of a hippie too. And she gave you her blessings on Thought No.4's someone.
Thought No.11: yeah, your parents can tell when you're sober from when you're drunk. And now you are drunk.
Thought No.12: getting on Facebook and writing your soul out... Tomorrow it will cheer you up.
Thought No.13: you shall not go straight to the bar everyday after class... at least wait till after noon.

Flush.
Get your purse.
Let the desperate banging-person outside in.
Deep breath, walk out, skip over the puddle of puke (good name for a band, innit?), wash your hands, walk out with a big drunken smile on your face and act normal.
Because you are normal - you're normally-drunk!
Cheers! (because I can't remember - or spell - the german word she taught you earlier).

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Listening to: Walking After Midnight - Madeleine Peyroux

Do the box ***

From driving till the end of the world to not get a table, to losing/breaking the bar's card, to waiting for a cab in a gas station while having a smoke, to bar hopping and watching magic tricks while playing Kings until they kicked us out by pulling our table, to going to THE party and meeting people I haven't seen in ages, to leaving *again* and breaking my promise of not taking rides with very drunk people, to entering another club and buying the 2nd most expensive beer of my life, to taking a very drunken taxi ride home while holding my best friend's hand. Cheers.

Lived in Bars - Cat Power
We've lived in bars
And danced on tables
Hotel trains and ships that sail
We swim with sharks
And fly with aeroplanes in the air

Send in the trumpets
The marching wheelchairs
Open the blankets and give them some air
Swords and arches bones and cement
The light and the dark of the innocent of men

We know your house so very well
And we will wake you once we've walked up
All your stairs

There's nothing like living in a bottle
And nothing like ending it all for the world
We're so glad you will come back
Every living lion will lay in your lap

The kid has a homecoming the champion the horse
Who's going to play drums, guitar or organ with chorus
As far as we've walked from both of ends of the sand
Never have we caught a glimpse of this man
We know your house so very well
And we will bust down your door if you're not there

We've lived in bars
And danced on tables
Hotel trains and ships that sail
We swim with sharks
And fly with aeroplanes out of here
Out of here...

Graduating from high school: check.
Getting into my dream college: check.
Making NORMAL friends I'd die for: check
Passing my driving test (even if only after the second attempt :D): check.
Getting a decent car: check.
Getting a decent job: check.

What's left now?

Yes, it's all very exciting and new and I feel sooo bubbly I hardly have time to breathe. And hey, it only confirms the fact that I'm not a lunatic (or a masochist) for loving this feeling of breathlessness. Strangely, this doesn't feel like choking at all. It feels like I'm living. Love it. LOVE it. I don't mind anything else, be it because I don't have any time left to think about it AT ALL or because I honestly couldn't care less now - and it's the best feeling in the world.
I was once told I have that Mona Lisa sort of face - where you can't tell whether I'm smiling or frowning, simply because I look like I couldn't care less all the time. But now I care so much and so little about all the right things and at all the right times - which explains my sudden relapse behavior with the blog for a while. All I've been getting are... well, ten tons of sunny d all the time. And hell yeah, the chickens are out!

Woohooooo!

Hahah, well, I'm out. Baking cookies :)

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