"Well, these should be the best days of your life, but you worried all the goodness away!"

New favorite band of the moment: The Zutons. A little emphasis on "Don't Ever Think (Too Much)", which fits my current mood perfectly.

In dire need of a Gibson Dove, someone's calculus paper (for copying purposes), more time&rest&health (yeah, yeah, it's NOT the swine flu, I've checked), and SOMETHING TO DO as the end draws near.

Yes. Graduation. AT FUCKING LAST! Been talking to people who agree with my view of my class, and now I know for sure I'm not crazy.

Oh, and today. That someone I mentioned before (and later felt silly about) gave me that look again. Like it's true and like I'm not... crazy. "She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah", The Beatles once said. And who knows, maybe I am going crazy afterall. Here, reason with me:
1-Sighting
2-Nervous and quick (but existent nonetheless) glances
3-Feeling a certain pair of (also golden-tipped, who would have known??) eyelashes making a hole in the back of my head - is it lust, is it anger, what IS it?
4-A surprised hello, suddenly very alert eyes sending chills to the core of my existence
5-I come close, person comes close, firm but unnecessarily long handshake - with the little squeeze and all
6-Valedictory smiles, obvious thoughts of "I wish you'd stay longer", departure.
It is what it is, isn't it? Yeah, it does scare me a bit.

I'm scared. Did I ever mention that? I mean, something big's about to happen next semester and I'm scared I'll get hurt. I'm scared I'm making castles in the air again (or Gibson Doves) and I'm terrified I'll be let down. Here's another Beatles reference (watch Across the Universe for the bigger picture):
If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand?
'Cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holdin' hands.
If I give my heart
To you,I must be sure
From the very start
That you
Would love me more than her.
If I trust in you
Oh, please,
Don't run and hide.
If I love you too
Oh, please,
Don't hurt my pride like her
'Cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I
Would be sad if our new love
Was in vain.
So I hope you see
That I
Would love to love you
And that she
Will cry
When she learns we are two
'Cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I
Would be sad if our new love
Was in vain.
So I hope you see
That I
Would love to love you
And that she
Will cry
When she learns we are two.
If I fell in love with you.
The Beatles knew it all, man. Dev was right afterall. Or was it Thom? Well, it doesn't matter. What matters is my fear of getting hurt because love is indeed "more than holding hands" and I have no idea where what's left of my mind will go if I found "our new love was in vain". Because I want it so bad - true love! I know, EVERYONE wants it too. Everyone's gagging for it, everyone's out and alert looking for anyone to love. The Beatles again: "could it be anybody? I need someone to love". But for me I've already made my mind up that it CANNOT be anybody, because I'm too picky and I've been with everyone I didn't want before and I need a fucking change. I need true and I'm absolutely tired of false - I do live in the biggest of the Vanity Fairs (which I'm currently reading, btw) and maybe that's why I think I'm crazy sometimes - that's why I mix up dreams and reality, that's why I remember things that never happened after especially foggy nights, that's why I've looked around like a lovesick puppy all of last year and some of this year's random moments too. And I know he's like me - not the kung-fu person, but HE. The HE that I want. The HE I can't get at the moment. The HE I'm patiently waiting for (maybe that's where my small share of patience ran off too). HE's the HE who's worth it, and HE's the HE who'll probably break my heart. There, that's why I'm scared.

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