Reckless Abandon

I've told the people that matter that boredom, breaks, and free time often lead to trouble (or terrible parties). Those people agreed but didn't make a big deal out of it. I wouldn't have cared either, in their shoes. But they should have listened.

My reckless abandon has gotten me into loads of trouble (and terrible parties). I've tried most aspects of it and am now in the middle of experiencing another one. Who knows what will happen.

Something's going on. I can't quite tell what. Yet.
I need to get it all out before time runs out, but I have no idea when that will be. I should know, but what if that's not the actual end? What if it's all in my head again? I can never tell where reality starts or ends - things inside my mind are so intense at times that I have to constantly hold a wall between me and others not to sound like a lunatic. Because most things were real. They're just twisted now, that's all.

Ugh, I feel the need for more arms and legs and eyes and ears. I want it all here and now. I'm the least patient person in the world and this restlessness has only led me to places people would never picture me in so far.

When they ask me about my tattoo this is what I'd like to say: I chose a bird because its heart beats faster than any other living creature's... just like mine. It beats so fast and so intensely that it hurts at times. But I crave it; I love it - living on the verge of a heart attack, on the verge of a hyperventilation, on the verge of a breakdown, is the best thing. So yes - forget about the Things That Matter because you'll eventually find out they don't. School? College? Living up to people's expectations? Keeping people you should like around just for the sake of seeming normal? Pff, none of that matters. Don't strive to be normal and don't worry so much about anything. Nothing is worth the worries. The one thing we should all do is live until our hearts explode from the effort to keep beating. Do it with no caution, but with all the reckless abandon in the universe.