It's weird and completely disorienting how you have the ability to take out the absolute worst in me. The absolute worst in terms of feelings, fears, and reactions, all wrapped in one.
I really do miss you, the old you, the you who would sing and read to me and hold me until I felt safe enough to close my eyes and fall asleep.
Now that I think about it,
you're the reason why I fail to easily accept compliments with nothing but a thank you and a smile. Instead, I always,
always insist on knowing how and why. It's because in your eyes I'm the absolute worst and nothing more. And despite how many times I repeat to myself that "it's just words", it's not. They hurt and I feel alone. I mean, you are the
one person in the universe who's supposed to love my heart, body and soul just the way they are. And you don't, you've said it before. So how am I supposed to go on expecting others to love me, if
you so clearly don't?
And it's not just the fact that you don't. It's
how you remind me of that, every single day...
Honestly, I wish I could take your advice and leave. I wish I could leave you with your friends, your house, your life. I wish I could give you the pleasure of not having to be around me, if I'm all the horrible things you say I am.
But I
am the responsible parent in this household and even though she's not
my child, I
am my sister's keeper. I am not like you and that's the one thing that keeps me going.
To tristinha...
*